Jerry and Sharon Graham are a “coaching pair,” coaching and training for over 25 years with a focus on leadership and wellness. www.thecoachingpair.com
1For more information about Peer Coach Training, developed by Tony Stoltzfus, click here.
2Taken from the introduction to Peer Coach Training.
1For more information about Peer Coach Training, developed by Tony Stoltzfus, click here.
2Taken from the introduction to Peer Coach Training.
October, 2009
Church Column
How Can I Get Coaching Ignited in My Church?
By Jerry & Sharon Graham
Have you ever asked (or heard someone else ask), How can I get coaching started in my church? It is a natural question for anyone who has experienced the
life-changing benefits of lifestyle coaching. And I think it’s a God-given response to want to share something good with those that we love.
When we went through our coach training, there were certain modules that taught us how to introduce coaching into an organization. Appropriately titled “Planting the Seed of Coaching,” they offered a list of barriers we might encounter. Here is a sampling…
Starting at the Top
In spite of the many barriers that can exist, the most agreed-upon strategy seemed to be offering to coach someone on the church’s staff or leadership team…so that those leaders could themselves begin to experience the benefits of coaching. Through the last eight years, we have seen many successful infusions of coaching brought into churches and other organizations using that “top-down” strategy. Now, however, we would like to discuss a completely different strategy.
Several years ago, our coach trainer developed a revolutionary program which he entitled, Peer Coach Training.1 In a word, his approach is a “bottom-up” strategy to introduce the coaching culture to a church or organization from the grassroots. And this coaching approach to authentic, accountable friendships seems uniquely relevant for our times: “In an age where authority and advice are distrusted and people look for truth within relationship, coaching provides the influence skills to deeply impact others without telling them what to do.”2
The bottom-up strategy is designed to do two things: 1) build lasting, growth-centered peer relationships, and 2) provide basic skills training in coaching. In the late fall of 2007, I (Jerry) had the opportunity to use this program with the men’s Sunday school class in our church. Today, we can look back on that experience and validate that both objectives were clearly met.
Our Adventure
First, a little about our church. We attend an average-sized Assembly of God in Virginia Beach (less than 170 in Sunday morning attendance). The men’s Sunday school class has been functioning for a couple of years and usually reads through Christian books together, such as John Eldredge’s Wild at Heart. In fact, it was during a discussion about that very book that I observed how hard it was for men to make transparent and authentic relationships. It was at that point that I brought up a discussion on coaching and was recruited to lead the men through a peer coaching experience.
Using the peer curriculum I knew, I facilitated our men’s group through eight weekly training sessions where we listened to a brief teaching from a DVD, watched a demonstration of a coaching skill, debriefed on what we observed, and then did a peer exercise in breakout groups to put what we had learned into practice. Half way through our program, peers began meeting on their own to set growth goals, develop their own action steps, and cheer each other on toward growth. It was a highly interactive, experiential process—one that didn’t even require administration by a trained coach.
There were some obstacles. One member expressed early on what several were probably thinking when he said, “This idea that the answers are within you sounds a bit too new-age for me.” Despite initial misgivings, he went on to become one of our most enthusiastic supporters, expressing the life-changing impact of the class. Another admitted, “This class brought to the surface the need for each of us to have a confidant or mentor to share with. We men tend to be somewhat private. This helped me open up.”
At least two of the wives of the men taking the class stopped me in the hall to share how much their husbands had changed in the few short weeks the class had been underway. Some of the men also acknowledged the transformation occurring in their relationships with each other, in their homes, or in their workplaces. Another woman told me (Sharon) that her husband listens better and asks her questions instead of always “telling” her things. This man continues to go to breakfast every Wednesday morning with his peer group, sharing their hearts and lives with one another. His wife says, “He’s never made that kind of commitment before and stuck with it.”
Looking back some nine months after the class, we must ask, Has a coaching culture taken root in our church? Well, that’s hard to measure with certainty, but the senior pastor has started working with a professional coach, two of the three peer triads are still meeting regularly on a weekly or bi-weekly basis, and some of the women of the church are asking me (Sharon) to lead the same peer training in the women’s Sunday school group. In our perspective, the “bottom-up” approach has exceeded our expectations and made significant inroads toward bringing a coaching culture to the church. We heartily endorse this as a viable strategy for the church to gain a working understanding of coaching in a very short time.
When we went through our coach training, there were certain modules that taught us how to introduce coaching into an organization. Appropriately titled “Planting the Seed of Coaching,” they offered a list of barriers we might encounter. Here is a sampling…
- Many leaders are unfamiliar with the coaching paradigm
- Many leaders haven’t experienced the benefits of coaching
- Many leaders lack trustworthy models or examples of the impact of coaching
- Coaching may not fit within existing training structure or programs
Starting at the Top
In spite of the many barriers that can exist, the most agreed-upon strategy seemed to be offering to coach someone on the church’s staff or leadership team…so that those leaders could themselves begin to experience the benefits of coaching. Through the last eight years, we have seen many successful infusions of coaching brought into churches and other organizations using that “top-down” strategy. Now, however, we would like to discuss a completely different strategy.
Several years ago, our coach trainer developed a revolutionary program which he entitled, Peer Coach Training.1 In a word, his approach is a “bottom-up” strategy to introduce the coaching culture to a church or organization from the grassroots. And this coaching approach to authentic, accountable friendships seems uniquely relevant for our times: “In an age where authority and advice are distrusted and people look for truth within relationship, coaching provides the influence skills to deeply impact others without telling them what to do.”2
The bottom-up strategy is designed to do two things: 1) build lasting, growth-centered peer relationships, and 2) provide basic skills training in coaching. In the late fall of 2007, I (Jerry) had the opportunity to use this program with the men’s Sunday school class in our church. Today, we can look back on that experience and validate that both objectives were clearly met.
Our Adventure
First, a little about our church. We attend an average-sized Assembly of God in Virginia Beach (less than 170 in Sunday morning attendance). The men’s Sunday school class has been functioning for a couple of years and usually reads through Christian books together, such as John Eldredge’s Wild at Heart. In fact, it was during a discussion about that very book that I observed how hard it was for men to make transparent and authentic relationships. It was at that point that I brought up a discussion on coaching and was recruited to lead the men through a peer coaching experience.
Using the peer curriculum I knew, I facilitated our men’s group through eight weekly training sessions where we listened to a brief teaching from a DVD, watched a demonstration of a coaching skill, debriefed on what we observed, and then did a peer exercise in breakout groups to put what we had learned into practice. Half way through our program, peers began meeting on their own to set growth goals, develop their own action steps, and cheer each other on toward growth. It was a highly interactive, experiential process—one that didn’t even require administration by a trained coach.
There were some obstacles. One member expressed early on what several were probably thinking when he said, “This idea that the answers are within you sounds a bit too new-age for me.” Despite initial misgivings, he went on to become one of our most enthusiastic supporters, expressing the life-changing impact of the class. Another admitted, “This class brought to the surface the need for each of us to have a confidant or mentor to share with. We men tend to be somewhat private. This helped me open up.”
At least two of the wives of the men taking the class stopped me in the hall to share how much their husbands had changed in the few short weeks the class had been underway. Some of the men also acknowledged the transformation occurring in their relationships with each other, in their homes, or in their workplaces. Another woman told me (Sharon) that her husband listens better and asks her questions instead of always “telling” her things. This man continues to go to breakfast every Wednesday morning with his peer group, sharing their hearts and lives with one another. His wife says, “He’s never made that kind of commitment before and stuck with it.”
Looking back some nine months after the class, we must ask, Has a coaching culture taken root in our church? Well, that’s hard to measure with certainty, but the senior pastor has started working with a professional coach, two of the three peer triads are still meeting regularly on a weekly or bi-weekly basis, and some of the women of the church are asking me (Sharon) to lead the same peer training in the women’s Sunday school group. In our perspective, the “bottom-up” approach has exceeded our expectations and made significant inroads toward bringing a coaching culture to the church. We heartily endorse this as a viable strategy for the church to gain a working understanding of coaching in a very short time.